Couples & other pairings
Once the realization is accepted that even between the closest human beings infinite distances continue, a wonderful living side by side can grow, if they succeed in loving the distance between them which makes it possible for each to see the other whole against the sky.
- Rainer Maria Rilke
Relationships are hard.
It takes an enormous amount of courage to put our armor down and expose ourselves to another human being. Learning to love may be our highest calling of all. I welcome the opportunity to share in this vulnerability and examine the complexities of relational experience that exist right underneath the surface.
I work with couples and pairings of all kinds, including romantic partners, parents and children, siblings, and even co-founders (to name a few) wanting to address acute or chronic problems that have led to anger, avoidance, guilt, distance, resentment, or a loss of intimacy. Typical issues include different attachment styles, infidelity, histories of trauma, challenging communication patterns, new relationship chapters (eg: parenthood), interracial and intercultural differences, and at its core, navigating differences while still staying connected.
A Deep Respect for Difference
When we think about connecting to our loved ones, we often think about connecting over similarities. Common interests. Points of overlap. When differences arises, it can often be an arresting experience, one that can feel like a threat of some kind, if we’re not conscious.
A central part of my job as a couples therapist is to examine the space of difference between two people and practice the muscle of finding safety in the chasm.
Decoding Communication
Language is a powerful tool that we can use to clarify or obfuscate what we are feeling inside. During conflict, it is common for our communication to be peppered with unconscious beliefs that have nothing to do with our partners and have more to do with our history and relational imprints.
Part of my work as a couples therapist is to slow communication exchanges down in order to decode their meaning. What I look for is to identify personal unconscious beliefs that get in the way of connecting to our partners and to create trust and safety so that we may step into a more honest and loving way of relating.
